I am a pretty busy person. I am because I need to be. It is in my character. I'm unhappy if I'm not. When I had a child, I felt as though I was launched into outer space, no gravity, no control. I was running around trying my best to get everything I had been doing prior to a baby done. And I succeeded. But with a big fail. Big huge fail to my well being. What I forgot to take into consideration was the time I had prior to a baby, to have to myself. Just the 'sigh moments' that filled empty space. The finishing a cup of tea when it was still warm. The non committal hobbies and stuff that I could do if I wanted to. The ME stuff. That in actual fact looking back, meant the world to me and took a lot of lifes pressure off.
I am still working on how to become a "NOTSOMUCH of a doer" but I find it really hard. I beat myself up if I can't get everything I set out to be done. I don't have obsessive compulsive disorder. I just obsess about my past accomplishments. About being able to fit so much more into a day. And ticking all the things off the lists I set myself. (I looooove lists)!
It's true what those mothers say about not understanding what having a baby is like until you actually have one.
During pregnancy I believed wholeheartedly that I would have a precious happy baby. Like the ones you see in the Bonds advertisements.... well I did ... he is B.E.A utiful... but he certainly has not smiled all the time. He has cried, made A LOT of mess, not slept, been sick, given me wrinkles, pretty sure grey hair too. He has been a FULL time job...
I didn't get it when the women from a Business Forum I attended, chuckled knowinglywhen I said "I am planning on doing this, this, this and THIS when I have a baby. Like I was giving up work to not have my baby, but to start a whole new career and the baby would just pleasantly fit in around that career. BAHA.Talk about a reality check!
My current career: Mother
Secondary to that: Everything else
The mothers out there juggling truckloads more that I could even contemplate. Jobs, motherhood, life stresses. You are amazing. You hold it together. Because that is what I have learned since becoming a mother. That these strong women, get shit done. They may not want to, but they do it anyway. Because the people they love most of all need them to.